So tonight marked the beginning of mine and Eric's foray into Yoga. I've always been a big proponent of the exercise form. It's quiet in my head when I do Yoga. I'm so busy concentrating on breathing and balancing that I either quiet my thoughts or fall on my face.
Here's to a night of not falling completely on my face. I've earned a repreive. Time to rehydrate and crawl my exhausted ass into bed.
Tomorrow's goals: no soda, 45 ounces of water and time for balance.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Lofty Goals
It's been far too long since I've dusted off my keyboard and taken my thoughts in hand. Characteristically, I think it's because I didn't have them all lined up and figured out. And the thoughts that I've struggled with since Greysen has been born are ones that are deeply moving but changeable, intense and frustratingly un-quantifiable.
It is scientifically proven that a sure way to shake off depression is to start something new. A new hobby, learn a language, etc. Depression is clinically shown to be the result of neural pathways not connecting the way that they should. Serotonin isn't always received by your receptors the way that it is supposed to be. This is, of course, a gross over-simplification but it works to illustrate my point: when you learn something new, it reprograms your pathways--thus staving off depression.
Eric and I have been having issues for the first time in our relationship. And I say the first time because, every time I've been neurotic about us before, it's been just me. We don't fight. Ever. Except that now we do. Three people crammed into one small room in a home that we are grateful for...but does not in any way allow us to be ourselves. We embrace a lifestyle that is not seen as acceptable or valid by Eric's mother. I don't believe in God. We embrace a life of balance and harmony and order that is based, at it's core, on a deep respect and connection with nature. We support Obama's politics, his healthcare reform (including a public option!) and the legalization of Marijuana. I believe in woman's right to choose, a homosexual couples right to civil liberties and marriage and I don't think prayer has any place in a state institution...especially in schools.
Do you see why I'm less than comfortable in Eric's mother's right wing, christian household? Peggy has been nothing but generous and gracious...but my living there is like a pit bull living in a home full of cats. We strike a tenable peace for the greater good...but you know there's friction there just because, fundamentally, we will never see eye to eye. This is pushed a little closer to the breaking point by the fact that my son's world will be shaped by SOMEONE'S views...and I'd really rather they be mine.
As you can imagine, this wears on Eric and I daily. However, we are taking this challenge in hand and doing something about it. We have developed ProjectSmith09. Eric wants to cook and I want to support him. The result: we are cooking our way through a Julia Child's cookbook ala' Julie and Julia (the movie, incidentally, was cute but forgettable...except for Streep's portrayal of Childs. She's brilliant, as she always is, and I find myself a little more in love with her ability every time I watch her!) We are blogging about it on ProjectSmith09.blogger.com.
I'm grateful for any opportunity to return to Eric the love, trust and support that I receive from him daily in pursuit of my own career. He genuinely understands the passion I have for what I do and just how much it really means to me. Pushing him to expand his culinary skill is a small price to pay for what I receive from him on a constant basis. We've also decided to exercise together and I, personally, have a goal to spend more "fun" time with him.
All of these goals, however, are leaving me feeling a little daunted and exhausted. Especially because I'm making them directly after being sick with Kidney Stones AND E. Coli. My body is still recovering, which makes me feel like I have both a fresh start...and a lower than normal battery level. Taking care of and being kind to myself are things I really need to concentrate on doing...and I'm hoping that I can find a way to integrate that into what I'm doing with Eric.
So I'm brushing off this blog (so that my thoughts, uninterrupted, undeterred and unfiltered) still have an outlet as I take on this adventure. The stakes are much, much higher, this time around. Grey is here. He's watching everythign we do. And how can we ever encourage our son to take on his dreams if we aren't willing to take on our own in some way? And the things I've set out to do are specifically targeted to make mine and Eric's relationship stronger...again, something that is deeply impacting on my son and MUST NOT FAIL.
To much pressure...I need a nap.
It is scientifically proven that a sure way to shake off depression is to start something new. A new hobby, learn a language, etc. Depression is clinically shown to be the result of neural pathways not connecting the way that they should. Serotonin isn't always received by your receptors the way that it is supposed to be. This is, of course, a gross over-simplification but it works to illustrate my point: when you learn something new, it reprograms your pathways--thus staving off depression.
Eric and I have been having issues for the first time in our relationship. And I say the first time because, every time I've been neurotic about us before, it's been just me. We don't fight. Ever. Except that now we do. Three people crammed into one small room in a home that we are grateful for...but does not in any way allow us to be ourselves. We embrace a lifestyle that is not seen as acceptable or valid by Eric's mother. I don't believe in God. We embrace a life of balance and harmony and order that is based, at it's core, on a deep respect and connection with nature. We support Obama's politics, his healthcare reform (including a public option!) and the legalization of Marijuana. I believe in woman's right to choose, a homosexual couples right to civil liberties and marriage and I don't think prayer has any place in a state institution...especially in schools.
Do you see why I'm less than comfortable in Eric's mother's right wing, christian household? Peggy has been nothing but generous and gracious...but my living there is like a pit bull living in a home full of cats. We strike a tenable peace for the greater good...but you know there's friction there just because, fundamentally, we will never see eye to eye. This is pushed a little closer to the breaking point by the fact that my son's world will be shaped by SOMEONE'S views...and I'd really rather they be mine.
As you can imagine, this wears on Eric and I daily. However, we are taking this challenge in hand and doing something about it. We have developed ProjectSmith09. Eric wants to cook and I want to support him. The result: we are cooking our way through a Julia Child's cookbook ala' Julie and Julia (the movie, incidentally, was cute but forgettable...except for Streep's portrayal of Childs. She's brilliant, as she always is, and I find myself a little more in love with her ability every time I watch her!) We are blogging about it on ProjectSmith09.blogger.com.
I'm grateful for any opportunity to return to Eric the love, trust and support that I receive from him daily in pursuit of my own career. He genuinely understands the passion I have for what I do and just how much it really means to me. Pushing him to expand his culinary skill is a small price to pay for what I receive from him on a constant basis. We've also decided to exercise together and I, personally, have a goal to spend more "fun" time with him.
All of these goals, however, are leaving me feeling a little daunted and exhausted. Especially because I'm making them directly after being sick with Kidney Stones AND E. Coli. My body is still recovering, which makes me feel like I have both a fresh start...and a lower than normal battery level. Taking care of and being kind to myself are things I really need to concentrate on doing...and I'm hoping that I can find a way to integrate that into what I'm doing with Eric.
So I'm brushing off this blog (so that my thoughts, uninterrupted, undeterred and unfiltered) still have an outlet as I take on this adventure. The stakes are much, much higher, this time around. Grey is here. He's watching everythign we do. And how can we ever encourage our son to take on his dreams if we aren't willing to take on our own in some way? And the things I've set out to do are specifically targeted to make mine and Eric's relationship stronger...again, something that is deeply impacting on my son and MUST NOT FAIL.
To much pressure...I need a nap.
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