With Depression, I've learnd that it's vital to take each HOUR one at a time...let alone each day. As Mary pointed out last night, just because you feel fine, now, doesn't mean that things can't change on a dime. This creates an environment where you have to CONSCIOUSLY make a decision to calm yourself down and be okay. Last night was all right. We watched Zombieland. HILARIOUSLY funny comedy with Woody Harrelson. Plus...as one can imagine from the title...IT HAS ZOMBIES! HELLO! That's pretty much all one needs to know in order to watch the film.
Today, I'm clinging to my resolve to be more positive. Yesterday, I wrote EMBRACE, RISK, BE OK and TRUST on my left hand. It was (and continues to be) a small reminder for me to do these things. I've noticed that my depression stems directly from my own issues with self worth and self esteem. I don't understand how anyone can love me because I don't find myself to have value. Until this perception changes, I have to take refuge in reason. When Eric tells me he loves me, then I need to beleive that he's not just telling me what I want to hear...he's telling me the truth. And if he wasn't, he wouldn't be with me. So I need to EMBRACE what he gives me, RISK my feelings by TRUSTING him and BE OKAY with those decisions. If I can concentrate on each of these four key things, I find that I usually do fine.
Of course, it doesn't hurt that we've got my tax return here already...so we are okay as far as money is concerned for the first time in a while. Takes a HUGE amount of pressure off.
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